Author: Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

Daniel Borysewicz, MDiv, CSR is a progressive, sex positive, hospice chaplain and educator seeking radical inclusion for all people; regardless of race, nationality, sexual or gender identity, or socio-economic class. As a spiritual guide, Reiki practitioner, educator, facilitator, and U.S. Navy veteran, Daniel works to provide solutions for problems that individuals struggle with including shame, desire, and grief to name a few. This is accomplished through one-on-one interactions, support groups, education events, and social media. Diverse experience as a natural networker and leader who connects people, ideas, and resources to improve the spiritual and emotional wellbeing for all people, including those living in the margins. Daniel is currently a Spiritual Care Counselor with Hospice of the East Bay (www.hospiceeastbay.org) in Pleasant Hill, CA; Community Educator; and volunteer clergy at Metropolitan Community Church San Francisco (www.mccsf.org).
Sexuality · shame · spirituality · Uncategorized

What is normal?

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

A man and woman kissing?
A man kissing another man?
A woman and another woman kissing?
A transgender person kissing another transgender person? Or kissing a non-transgender person?

What is normal in your life may not be ‘normal’ in another’s life?

What was normal for me growing up was boys wore blue and girls wore pink. Boys played with trucks and girls played with dolls. It’s okay to toughen up a boy by skinning his knees or elbows but girls are delicate flowers and they must be protected.

When boys wanted to play house they were called sissies (or worse) and when girls wanted to play with trucks they were called tomboys (or worse). From an early age we are given these messages that boys behave a certain way and girls behave a different way.

But what is normal?

It was not ‘normal’ for Jesus to be teaching about loving your neighbor and the stranger. Love your family and friends yes, but not your neighbors or especially the stranger!

What is normal in your life may not be ‘normal’ in another’s life?

Perhaps embracing our own kind of ‘normal’ is the ‘new black’?

Let’s try it on and wear it around town as often as we can.

Sexuality · spirituality

Sex Prayer

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

Sex Prayer (pg 174)
“Illuminata: A Return to Prayer” Marianne Williamson (Amazon)

Dear God,
May sex, like everything else, be in my life, or not in my life, according to your will.
May it be an instrument of healing, of love and sacred power
For me and anyone with whom I am joined.
May it’s spiritual secrets be revealed to me.
Pray all ugliness, cheapness, or Loveless sexual thoughts and experience becomes out of my mind and body.
Thank God’s Spirit and to hear.
May I do as you would have me do
And I know what you would have me know
And have no experience of anything else.
May I never underestimate its power
Or the sacred responsibility that is placed in my hands when I so join with another.
May sex be only a sacred practice for me and any other with whom I am joined.
May I know it’s holiness and only that.
Thank you very much.
Amen

Sexuality · shame

Our attraction to others has internal and external influences

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

Our attraction to others has internal and external influences. Internally, there are certain sexual, as well as relational desires that we have for other people. External influences of heteronormativity can have a detrimental impact when our desires are outside of that heteronormative mindset. This detriment can be seen as shame for not conforming to societal norms. Even within the LGBT community there can be influences from a binary mindset that can cause shame for those who fall outside of a binary mindset when it comes to sexual and relational attraction.

Internalize shame regarding the fluidity of one’s sexual attraction is based on the societal perceptions that people are required to fit into specific boxes of who they are and who they are attracted to. Using the identity of ‘queer’ allows a person to present a fluid sexuality that does not fit within the binary of straight, bisexual, or gay.

My personal journey has taken me from identifying as bisexual in high school to being in the closet about my same-sex attraction while I was in the Navy. Moving back into civilian life, I ‘came out of the closet’ and embraced my ‘gayness’. I later found myself moving back into the world as a closeted bisexual man. Upon entering a 12-step program, I came out of the closet for that last time and identified as a gay man, at times when I was a ‘militant homosexual’. About 10 years ago, I began to truly realize I did not need to feel shame for bring attracted to many different types and genders of people.

Sexually, my attraction to others is very fluid. It ranges from male identified bodies to female identified bodies. Visual stimulation is a key element of my sexual attraction towards others.

Relationally, I’m attracted to masculine energy. This tends to manifest within male identified bodies. However, this can also be found in female identified bodies as well.

Spending most of my adult life as a gay man, the fluidity of my sexual attraction has been problematic for me when navigating in gay male space. When I started dating transmen (FTM), several of my gay male friends asked me if I was now bisexual. I had to educate these friends let them know that I was not dating a woman, that I was dating someone who identified as male. It is essential to reject the notion that a person’s genitalia alone determines their gender identity. Being born with a vagina or penis does not automatically mean that a person will present as female or male respectively, as they move out of infancy.

death · guilt

Feelings regarding Death

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

This morning we began learning/discussing what is required of a chaplain when a patient dies. The passing of a loved one generally does not initiate feelings of shame, invariably there will be feelings of guilt for some.

I know I’ll be given opportunities to be part of the experience when someone passes while at the hospital. It will be during those times that I’ll get to witness the potential feelings of grief and guilt of the family members, loved ones and probably others.

Our feelings are valid and it is important to seek the root cause(s) of these feelings, regardless of what others may say, feel or do. I know that I will also experience many different feelings when a patient passes. I pray for wisdom and insight to be able to seek out the root causes for me.

More will be revealed…

shame

Prepping for My Chaplain Residency

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

Here it is, Sunday, the day before I begin my year-long residency program at St Mary’s Medical Center in SF. Someone asked me last night if I was anxious or nervous. I told no but that I was excited to begin this new phase if my life, post graduate school.

I know I will get to explore new and hidden aspects of my own shame regarding who I am and what gifts I bring with me to this position. I also know I will be a witness to all kinds of shame expressed by patients, their loved ones and the hospital staff. It is my hope to be able to help others move through those feelings is ‘false’ shame.

With Goddess’ help, I hope I can.

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This is the website where you can find out about:

  • Flourishing Beyond Shame – A workshop for the LGBTQA Faith Community
  • Igniting Desire:For Yourself, For Others, For The Divine – A 2-day retreat examining influences on desire for self-identified men who have sex with men
  • Options for Energy Work and Spiritual Guidance
  • Blog posts by Daniel Borysewicz on shame