Category: Sexuality

homophobia · Sexuality · spirituality

Drag out the Holy Spirit

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz
Excerpt from: “Queering the Trinity: Who’s Your Daddy?”
by Daniel Borysewicz, MDiv, CSR | Oct. 2015
MCC Virtual Symposium: Who are we, Really? Re-engaging Sex and Spirit

As a Drag Queen, the Divine is fierce, powerful, larger than life, and creates movement of body, air, and sound. There are times when our lives need to be shaken up by the way a drag queen comes into a room and gets things moving with a fabulous outfit and song. Elizabeth Johnson writes that the Holy Spirit is a transforming force in the world that recruits uniqueness, insists upon change, and instigates resurrection for new life. Johnson explains:

Brokenness and sin are everywhere, a situation that makes the full life and harmony of creation exist more as future hope than as past or present fact. In this intractable circumstance the vivifying power of divine Spirit comes to expression most intensely on fragmentary moments of renewing, healing, and freeing when human imbecility and destructive ill will are held at bay of overcome and a fresh start becomes possible.[1] 

The drag queens of Stonewall Bar (pictured right) aided the queer people in Greenwich Village towards rebellion and liberation on that summer night in 1969. In Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians, he writes that the manifestations of the Holy Spirit bring messages of wisdom, faith, prophecy, and gifts of healing.[2] These drag queens were activist for social change and their embodiment of the androgyne figure was grounded in gender politics.[3] Through their prophetic acts of defiance and revolt, the first steps were taken to begin the greater movement of liberation for queer people.The drag queens of Stonewall Bar (pictured right) aided the queer people in Greenwich Village towards

The very nature of liberation and healing is also found in the manifestation of the Divine in The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence (pictured left). Founded in 1979 by a small group of gay men in San Francisco wearing nun’s habits to draw attention to the inequities surrounding social issues, the Sister’s influence has extended around the world to spread universal joy and absolve stigmatic guilt.[4] This intersection of the sacred and profane presents a formidable force for change everywhere the Sisters go in the world. Bringing love and compassion to the wounded members of society, the queerness of their presence can convey a restoration of hope to the oppressed and marginalized living in a heteronormative world. Through their public rituals of healing and removal of shame, the Sisters represent a queer image of the Divine. Moltman discusses the importance of restoring the ‘image of God’ in people.[5] The Hebrew Bible provides a clear understanding of where this notion originates in Genesis: “Then God said, ‘Let us make humankind in our image, in our likeness.’”.[6] The Holy Spirit can help in this restoration.

The Drag Queen is also a force for dismantling our culturally held notions of gender. The world is very familiar with RuPaul, Lady Bunny, and Sharon Needles. These drag queens present the illusion of female to their audiences. While these aspects of drag may create a specific image of woman, there are many others who reveal the imitative structure of gender itself and assist is deconstruction our commonly held assumptions.[7] Gender bending is another realm of the drag queen world that can be utilized with queering the Holy Spirit. These manifestations include big hairy gay men performing in fabulous dresses to raise money for AIDS, as well as young masculine lesbians donning a ‘New Kids on the Block’ look to perform as ‘Drag Kings’ at a local queer bar. There are not limitations to how the Holy Spirit can have a queer impact on the world.

[1] Johnson, Elizabeth A., She Who Is: the Mystery of God in Feminist Theological Discourse, 10th ed. (New York: The Crossroad Publishing Company, 2002),135.

[2] 1 Corinthians 12:7-10 New International Version (NIV)

[3] Hume, Lynne and McPhillips, Kathleen, eds., Popular Spiritualities: The Politics of Contemporary Enchantment (ALDERSHOT: Ashgate Pub Co, 2006), 119.

[4] The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Inc., http://thesisters.org/

[5] Moltman, Jürgen, The Spirit of Life: A Universal Affirmation, Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1992, 175.

[6] Genesis 1:26 (NIV – Inclusive language mine).

[7] Jagose, Annamarie, Queer Theory: an Introduction (New York: NYU Press, 1997), 85-86

See Full Text of Queering the Trinity: Who’s Your Daddy?

anti-lgbtq · Sexuality · shame · Social Justice

Impact of anti-LGBTQ state legislatures on LGBTQ youth

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

Excerpt from The Impact of Toxic Hate and Shame from Anti-LGBTQ State Legislation Upon LGBTQ Youth final paper for 2022 Liberation Theologies course – Part 2

Conservatives have been relentless in their attempt to maintain the status quo of heteronormativity and patriarchy through their continued attacks via state legislature proposals that target LGBTQ youth and adults.[1] Since 2020, we have seen an exponential increase of state legislatures specifically targeting LGBTQ youth. The impacts of trauma and toxic shame from these proposed bills and laws will have a detrimental effect on the emotional and spiritual well-being of LGBTQ youth. Opportunities of healing from this toxic hate and shaming will be needed for this community to become flourishing self-loving individuals.

In a recent conversation on NPR, Dr. Jack Turban, chief fellow in child and adolescent psychiatry, Stanford University School of Medicine talked about how “minority stress”[2] impacts LGBTQ youth.[3] This trauma is due to the negative treatment by society that affects the mental health of LGBTQ individuals. The current political debates regarding gender-affirming medical care of trans youth may cause these youth to have more anxiety and depression and eventually they may cause internalized transphobia with long-acting impact on their lives as they become adults.[4]

While most Americans support the LGBTQ community,[5] there are some white cisgendered men in Texas who continue to perpetuate the notions of heteronormativity by arguing in favor of the current state policy regarding the consideration of gender-affirming medical care for youth as being a form of child abuse.[6] Ken Paxton, Texas Attorney General argues that he does not believe these trans youth can make decisions on their own for this medical care.[7]  This will add to the trauma and toxic shame these trans youth may already be experiencing. The exponential increase of state legislatures are examples of fear the dominant culture is experiencing because conversations like these are attacking the status quo. The impacts of Black Lives Matters, #metoo, marriage equality, and the “browning of America” is generating panic in those who believe they will no longer be in the majority or the dominant culture and exclaiming “it’s not a traditional America anymore.”[8] [9]  The word traditional here is being used as code for the colonizing narrative of the white majority who controls the dominant culture and continues to promote white self-sufficient masculinity.[10]

The insidious nature of how conservative Christians in state governments continue their efforts to erase LGBTQ youth can be seen at the very beginning of this year’s pride month. On Wednesday, June 1, 2022, Ohio House legislature added an anti-transgender amendment to an unrelated bill for substitute teachers in schools. This new addition is called “The Save Women’s Sports Act.” The heteronormative and transphobic language used in this amendment speaks directly to the patriarchal nature of ignoring the individual’s right to choose their gender expression. This Act bans anyone “of the male sex” from taking part in any women’s sport in any public or private schools or interscholastic sports within Ohio.[11] There is also a transphobic provision included that will allow individuals to contest the gender expressed by an individual and demand the accused to prove their gender.

Sub. HB 151 also includes a line that requires a transgender person, or participant whose “sex is disputed,” to prove their sex with a signed physician’s statement including information about their “internal and external reproductive anatomy,” their testosterone levels and an analysis of their genetic makeup.[12]

These kinds of laws amount to state-sanctioned child abuse, sexual assault, and can be seen as state-sponsored terrorism towards our LGBTQ youth.[13] Some of the challenges being experienced by medical and mental health professionals in these states are that these laws can been seen to violate their professional standards of ethics and can be seen as inflicting serious damage upon their patients and clients.[14] The implementation of these unjust systems can be seen as attacks upon LGBTQ youth that create instances of individual and communal suffering that appears to be very similar to feeling of han experienced by people in Korea.[15]

[1] (Kim & Shaw, 2018, p. xiv) – “the matrix of domination,  that place where intersecting social identities and institutions of power overlap.”

[2] (Cardona, Madigan, & Sauer-Zavala, 2021) “Identity-related minority stressors may function as group-specific forms of invalidation, disrupting [sexual and gender minority] individuals’ ability to identify, understand, and effectively utilize their emotions.” p. 1

[3] (Turban, 2022)

[4] (Turban, 2022)

[5] (Turban, 2022)

[6] (Lagos, 2022)

[7] (Paxton, 2022)

[8] (Klein, 2018)

[9] “Tradition is peer pressure from dead people.” – Goody Howard, MSW, MPH, Sexologist. AASECT 2022 Virtual Conference. Speaker at Schiller Plenary: The Path to Professionalism: Who Gets to Be a Sex Educator?.

[10] (Jennings, 2020, p. 57)

[11] (Feuerborn, 2022)

[12] (Feuerborn, 2022)

[13] (Marques, 2022)

[14] (Burns, 2022)

[15] (Kim Y. H., 2020)

Bibliography

Burns, K. (2022, March 2). ‘When a child tells you who they are, believe them’: the psychologist taking on Texas’ antitrans policies. Guardian News & Media Limited. Retrieved from https://www-proquest-com.du.idm.oclc.org/docview/2635107487?accountid=14608

Cardona, N. D., Madigan, R., & Sauer-Zavala, S. (2021, Dec. 23). How minority stress becomes traumatic invalidation: An emotion-focused conceptualization of minority stress in sexual and gender minority people. Clinical Psychology, Vol. 29 (2), pp. p.185-195e. doi:DOI:10.1037/cps0000054

Feuerborn, M. (2022, June 2). Ohio transgender athlete ban tucked inside unrelated House bill. Retrieved from Fox 8 News: https://fox8.com/news/ohio-transgender-athlete-ban-tucked-inside-unrelated-house-bill/

Jennings, W. J. (2020). After Whiteness: An Education in Belonging. Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans Publishing Company.

Kim, G. J.-S., & Shaw, S. (2018). Intersectional Theology: An Introductory Guide. Minneapolis, MN: Fortress Press.

Kim, Y. H. (2020). Theodicy, Undeserved Suffering, and Compassionate Solidarity: An Interdisciplinary Reading of Hwang Sok-Yong’s The Guest. Religions(11(9)), 463. doi:https://doi.org/10.3390/rel11090463

Klein, E. (2018, July 30). White threat in a browning America:How demographic change is fracturing our politics. Retrieved from Vox: https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2018/7/30/17505406/trump-obama-race-politics-immigration

Lagos, M. (2022, Mar 17). Taking Cues from Texas and Florida, More States Propose Bills Targeting Queer and Trans Youth. Retrieved from NPR – Forum: https://www.kqed.org/forum/2010101888336/taking-cues-from-texas-and-florida-more-states-propose-bills-targeting-queer-and-trans-youth

Marques, R. (2022, Mar 8). State Laws, State Agencies and State-Sponsored Fear Are Being Weaponized Against Transgender Children. Retrieved from Human Rights Campaign: https://www.hrc.org/news/state-laws-state-agencies-and-state-sponsored-fear-are-being-weaponized-against-transgender-children

Paxton, K. T. (2022, February 18). Opinion No. KP-0401. Austin,, TX. Retrieved from https://texasattorneygeneral.gov/sites/default/files/global/KP-0401.pdf

Turban, D. J. (2022, March 17). Taking Cues from Texas and Florida, More States Propose Bills Targeting Queer and Trans Youth. (M. Lagos, Interviewer) NPR. KQED. Retrieved from https://www.kqed.org/forum/2010101888336/taking-cues-from-texas-and-florida-more-states-propose-bills-targeting-queer-and-trans-youth

© Daniel Borysewicz, MDiv, CSR 2022 | Liberation Theologies Final Paper | Iliff School of Theology

kink · Sexuality · shame

Some Thoughts on Sexuality, Religion, & Ministry of Healing

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz
Photo by: Ionut Dragoi (Romania)

SEXUALITY/KINK

The dominant culture effects how we view sex, and the normalization of heterosexuality promotes a society preferred performance of sexuality.[1] Those who present something other than normal can become the recipients of ridicule and bullying for not being normal. But what is normal? As part of my educational ministry offerings on shame and desire, we examine and discuss what is normal for queer and kinky folx.

In Justin Lehmiller’s book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Improve Your Sex Life, he outlines the results of his anonymous survey about the sexual fantasies of over 4000 adults living in the United States.[2] Lehmiller extracts seven broader themes to account for most of the fantasies and desires submitted.[3] Lehmiller identifies all of these as normal desires and fantasies. He defines normal this way: “as a scientist saying that something is normal is basically the same as saying something is statistically common.”[4] In other words, these fantasies and desires outlined are normal in a sense because they are common. This has expanded my educational shame offerings to focus on kinky desires as well.

The word homosexuality didn’t exist until the 1860s[5], but modern people who use the Bible as a weapon of hate are inserting this word into a text that was written thousands of years ago.[6] A millennia before the term homosexuality was even a concept and they argue this is the reason for the sinfulness of deviant sexuality and desires. In his upcoming book Forging a Secret Weapon: How the Bible Became Anti-Gay, Ed Oxford discusses how it wasn’t until 1946 when the word homosexual was inserted in the Revised Standard Version of the Bible.[7]

The very nature of how conservative heterosexual Christians stigmatize and inflict traumatic shame upon members of their communities presents a contradiction to the commandment of love that is at the heart of what Jesus told his followers in Matthew 22:39 – “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The notion of any theology or church community that suggests that God receives some and rejects others is not reflective of the ministry of Jesus.[8] 

The unjust dispensing of shame within conservative Christian communities illustrates the moral and ethical hypocrisy seen within the greater conservative Christian community. Offering forgiveness repeatedly to cisgender heterosexual members who have committed sin, even of a sexual nature happens all the time within conservative Christian communities. However, any consideration for offering a similar forgiveness of LGBTI members is rejected due to their violation of heteronormativity and going against gender complementarity.[9] As I delve into this program, I am seeing that the reimagining of redemption could bring healing from shame for queer, transgender and kinky folx.[10]

BIBLE/RELIGION/POLITICS

In a recent conversation on NPR, Dr. Jack Turban, chief fellow in child and adolescent psychiatry, Stanford University School of Medicine talked about how “minority stress” impacts trans and queer youth.[11] This trauma is due to the negative treatment by society that affects the mental health of LGBTQ individuals. The current political debates regarding gender-affirming medical care of transgender youth may cause them to have more anxiety and depression and eventually they may become internal factors causing internalized transphobia and have a long-acting impact on their lives as they become adults.

The ongoing traumatic attacks of transgender and queer youth and adults by those in power who continue their attempt to maintain the status quo of heteronormativity and patriarchy through anti-LGBTQI state legislature.[12] Since 2020, we have seen an exponential increase of state legislatures specifically targeting a transgender and queer youth. So far in 2022, there are 130 bills in state legislatures targeting transgender and queer youth.[13] The impacts of trauma and shame from these proposed bills and laws will have a detrimental effect on the emotional and spiritual well-being of transgender and queer youth. Opportunities of healing from this trauma and shame will need to be made available by prophetic healers.

While the majority of Americans support the LGBTQ community,[14] white cisgendered men continue to perpetuate the notions of heteronormativity by arguing in favor of the current state policy in Texas regarding the consideration of gender-affirming medical care as being a form of child abuse. Ken Paxton, Texas Attorney General argues he does not believe these transgender youth can make decisions for this care on their own.[15]  This will add to the trauma and toxic shame these transgender youth are already experiencing.

The exponential increase of these state legislatures as I mentioned above are examples of the fear the dominant culture is experiencing because these conversations that are attacking the status quo. The impacts of Black Lives Matters, #metoo, marriage equality, and the “browning of America” has generated panic in those who believe they will no longer be in the majority or the dominant culture and “it’s not a traditional America anymore.” [16] The word traditional here is being used as code for the colonizing narrative of a white majority, who controls the dominant culture and continues to promote white self-sufficient masculinity.[17] The nature of my ministry to the marginalized and the those who are suffering from shame draws me into speaking to the injustices that impact the communities I serve.[18]

MINISTRY OF HEALING

How do we leave that shame behind that no longer serves us? For someone like myself, it’s the personal work I’ve done on body image, looking at my own internalized homophobia and recognizing the shaming stories I have inside myself were put there by others. Paying attention to the voices of our shaming stories and recognizing whose voice is really behind mine can help to change that story and bring it to an end.  

When we recognize the intersectionality of unresolved shame and one’s inability to live an authentic, self-aware life[19] as a queer spiritual person, we can begin healing our shame. Looking at what aspects of ourselves we feel shame: is it about our gender presentation or expression? Is it about our body image? Is it our sexual promiscuity? Or feelings of shame about our sexual or kinky desires? All these things that are outside the norms of Western society, can cause an individual to experience trauma and shame.[20]

These false stories do not tell the true story of the individual. There needs to be a way for the individual to begin to look deeper into those false stories to look behind them and where those shaming stories came from. A sacred imagination can help to explain the story behind the story, the story between the lines, and where the stories of shame truly came from.[21] This is part of the work that my project and future ministry will address.

Connection, that is what many people within the queer and kink communities desire.[22] Finding that certain someone or that group of certain someones to connect with. Perhaps on the dance floor at a club, at a Pride festival, via an online dating app, at a play party[23] or perhaps at a munch[24] at a kink-friendly coffee shop. These are people seeking to be seen, desired and appreciated.[25] Being relegated to the margins of society creates an unspoken bond and connection between members within these communities. To be among those whom one has an affinity with can bring a level of comfort and belonging that one can find nowhere else.[26]

Liberating people from the oppression of shame will free them to live flourishingly and they can share their prophetic message of healing with others. It is a sacred task to liberate people out of oppression.[27] I believe showing queer and kinky folx a way out of the oppression of shame is a true example of prophetic leadership. Through prophetic vulnerability and storytelling, a ministry inviting others to resist the dominant culture’s false narrative of oppression and shame to find healing that will facilitate lasting connection and solidarity with others who have been able to leave their shame behind and flourish.

[1] (Corber & Valocchi, 2003)

[2] (Lehmiller, 2018, p. xv)

[3] (Lehmiller, 2018, p. 7) – These 7 themes are: multipartner sex; power, control, and rough sex (AKA BDSM); novelty, adventure, and variety; taboo and forbidden sex; partner sharing and non-monogamous relationships; passion and romance; and erotic flexibility – specifically, homoeroticism and gender-bending.

[4] (Lehmiller, 2018, p. 13)

[5] (Foucault, 1978, p. 43)

[6] (Porter, 2021, p. 170)

[7] (Oxford, 2019)

[8] (Flunder, 2005, p. 7)

[9] (‌Moon & Tobin, 2018, p. 456)

[10] (Kim & Shaw, 2018, p. 57)

[11] (Turban, 2022)

[12] (Kim & Shaw, 2018, p. xiv) – “the matrix of domination,  that place where intersecting social identities and institutions of power overlap.”

[13] (Turban, 2022)

[14] (PRRI Staff, 2020) – “The data is clear: the vast majority of Americans support LGBTQ nondiscrimination practices no matter where they live, the party they belong to, or the church they belong to.”

[15] Invalid source specified.

[16] (Klein, 2018)

[17] (Jennings, 2020, p. 57)

[18] (King Jr., 1963) – “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

[19] (Ford & Harding, 2011, p. 465)

[20] (Kim & Shaw, 2018, p. 90)

[21] (Gafney, 2017, p. 4)

[22] (Seitz, 2015, p. 86)

[23] (Harrington, 2016, p. 381)

[24] (Harrington, 2016, p. 379)

[25] (Brown, 2017)

[26] (Seitz, 2015, p. 143)

[27] (Lewis, Williams, & Grinenko Baker, 2020, p. 5)

Bibliography

Brown, A. M. (2017). Emergent Strategy : Shaping Change, Changing Worlds. Chico, CA: Ak Press.

Corber, R. J., & Valocchi, S. (2003). Introduction, to their (ed.). In Queer Studies: An Interdisciplinary Reader (pp. 1-18). Boston, MA: Blackwell.

Flunder, Y. A. (2005). Where the Edge Gathers: Building a Community of Radical Inclusion. Cleveland, OH: Pilgrim Press.

Ford, J., & Harding, N. (2011). The Impossibility of the ‘True Self’ of Authentic Leadership. Leadership, 7(4), 463–79. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1177/1742715011416894

Foucault, M. (1978). The History of Sexuality: Volume I, an Introduction. (R. Hurley, Trans.) New York: Vintage Books.

Gafney, W. (2017). Womanist Midrash : A Reintroduction to the Women of the Torah and the Throne. Louisville, KY: Westminster John Knox Press.

Harrington, L. (2016). Sacred Kink: The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond. Beaverton, OR: Mystic Productions Press.

Jennings, W. J. (2020). After Whiteness: An Education in Belonging. Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans Publishing Company.

Kim, G. J.-S., & Shaw, S. (2018). Intersectional Theology: An Introductory Guide. Minneapolis, MN: Fortress Press.

King Jr., M. L. (1963, April 16). Letter from a Birmingham Jail. Birmingham, AL. Retrieved from https://www.africa.upenn.edu/Articles_Gen/Letter_Birmingham.html

Klein, E. (2018, July 30). White threat in a browning America:How demographic change is fracturing our politics. Retrieved from Vox: https://www.vox.com/policy-and-politics/2018/7/30/17505406/trump-obama-race-politics-immigration

Lehmiller, J. J. (2018). Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. Boston: Da Capo Lifelong Books.

Lewis, S., Williams, M., & Grinenko Baker, D. (2020). Another Way: Living and Leading Change on Purpose. Saint Louis, MO: Chalice Press.

‌Moon, D., & Tobin, T. (2018). Sunsets and Solidarity: Overcoming Sacramental Shame in Conservative Christian Churches to Forge a Queer Vision of Love and Justice. Hypatia A Journal of Feminist Philosophy, 452-468.

Oxford, E. (2019, March 21). Has “Homosexual” always been in the Bible? Retrieved from Forge: https://www.forgeonline.org/blog/2019/3/8/what-about-romans-124-27

Porter, B. (2021). Unprotected: a memoir. New York: Abrams Press.

PRRI Staff. (2020, 10 30). Americans Are Broadly Supportive of a Variety of LGBTQ Rights. Retrieved from PRRI (Public Religion Research Institute): Americans Are Broadly Supportive of a Variety of LGBTQ Rights

Seitz, D. K. (2015). A House of Prayer for All People: Contesting Citizenship in a Queer Church. University of Toronto.

Turban, D. J. (2022, March 17). Taking Cues from Texas and Florida, More States Propose Bills Targeting Queer and Trans Youth. (M. Lagos, Interviewer) NPR. KQED. Retrieved from https://www.kqed.org/forum/2010101888336/taking-cues-from-texas-and-florida-more-states-propose-bills-targeting-queer-and-trans-youth

Sexuality

The Impact of Toxic Hate and Shame on LGBTQ Youth from Anti-LGBTQ State Legislature – excerpt from final paper for 2022 Liberation Theologies course

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

Shame is a debilitating emotion many LGBTQ people learn at an early age.  Whenever we did something non-heteronormative that our parent, grandparent, family elder, or teacher felt was unacceptable, we were scolded and informed that this behavior was inappropriate for our gender. This early programming of shame is used as a social control, as well as a device used in rightwing affective political strategies for the continuation of heteronormativity and patriarchy.[1] As a moral emotion like guilt, compassion, regret, and sympathy, shame helps a person to be aware they might potentially be compromising their personal values and placing themselves in a vulnerable position of emotional pain. A person ought to feel shame as either functionally: when they are about to compromise their value system or morally: to sustain personal integrity and develop self-respect.[2] This can be seen as healthy shame. Toxic shame is imposed upon a person by another, as a means of control or oppression.[3]

Toxic hate and shame of homophobia and transphobia

Culture affects how we view sex, and the ‘normalization’ of heterosexuality promotes a socially preferred performance of sexuality.[4] A commonly held belief by many is that each person they meet is heterosexual – until proven otherwise. The sexual phobias of the few affect the sexual freedom of the many. This enforcement of heteronormative values upon sexual minorities has caused extensive damage to the emotional and spiritual health of the LGBTQ community.

The very nature of how conservative heterosexual Christians stigmatize and inflict traumatic shame upon LGBTQ members of their faith communities presents a contradiction to the commandment of love that is at the heart of what Jesus told his followers in Matthew 22:39 – “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The challenges that LGBTQ youth endure as they explore who they are as non-heteronormative individuals can be daunting and traumatic without the added framing of them being seen as an abomination in the eyes of their faith community, where they are seeking connection with God and others.[5] I agree with the notion of any theology or faith community that suggests God receives some and rejects others is not reflective of the teachings of Jesus.[6] 

The unjust dispensing of toxic shame towards LGBTQ folks illustrates the moral and ethical hypocrisy seen within the greater conservative Christian community. Offering forgiveness repeatedly to cis-gender heterosexual members who have committed sin, even of a sexual nature happens all the time within conservative Christian communities. However, any consideration for offering a similar forgiveness of LGBTQ members is rejected due to their violation of heteronormativity and going against gender complementarity.[7] The sanctification of heteronormativity instills a hierarchical nature of men being at the top of the order, followed by women and any below them can be considered the “other” or ‘monsters’ and undeserving of God’s love or acceptance.[8] Only through embracing their unhealthy shame, these LGBTQ members can be accepted conditionally into some faith communities—acceptance that is contingent upon their maintaining dispositional shame.[9] This enforcement perpetuates patriarchy and heteronormativity perpetuates an environment for the ‘otherization’ of gender and sexuality outlaws.[10]

Impact of toxic hate and shame on LGBTQ youth

LGBTQ youth face many challenges each day. For those who come from a loving and accepting families, life at home can be a refuge and a place of safety.[11] Too many LGBTQ youth come from homes where they are not fully accepted, where they must either live an inauthentic life or risk being kicked out and become marginally housed or homeless.[12] The pressure to fit in at school with heteronormative peers can cause some LGBTQ youth to have feelings of shame and self-hatred towards their non-heteronormative thoughts and feelings. This can lead to feelings of internalized homophobia or transphobia, which can inhibit living a flourishing life for these youth.

LGBTQ youth are inundated with toxic hate through repeated news reports and articles about anti-LGBTQ state legislatures and similar rhetoric heard in community or around dinner tables. This toxic hate is also very prevalent in U.S. schools:

[H]omophobic students verbally and physically abuse LGBTQ youth in US schools is well documented by the GLSEN study, which found 86.2% of LGBT students experience verbal harassment because of their sexual orientation and 66.5% because of their gender expression (p. xii). It also found that 44.1% of LGBT students report having been physically harassed because of their sexual orientation and 30.4% because of their gender expression.[13]

This study by GLSEN goes on to argue that homophobic and transphobic school environments have a detrimental impact upon the scholastic achievements for these LGBTQ youth.[14] Enduring this toxic hate and shame can become internalized and also impact academic attendance and/or withdrawal from school altogether for these LGBTQ youth.[15] Being a high school dropout can have an economic impact and add to social stigma for these LGBTQ youth.[16]

Homophobic bullying in school effects all youth regardless of their sexual or gender identity. In a recent study  from 7 states that included over 15,000 youth, over 7% of the self-identified heterosexual kids surveyed reported homophobic bullying in their schools.[17] This is significant compared to the almost 23% of the queer youth who reported homophobic bullying. This toxic hate can have a detrimental effect on the emotions of those youth receiving it. Feelings of sadness (25.2%) were reported, as well as considering (11.9%), planning (10.2%), or attempting suicide (5.6%) was reported across the board, regardless of sexual identity.[18] The toxic hate and shame experienced from homophobic and transphobic bullying has a negative impact on all youth. This adds to the suffering of LGBTQ youth who are already feeling marginalized and oppressed by their peers as well as by institutions and state governments.

[1] (Graff & Korolczuk, 2022, p. 29)

[2] (Manion, Autumn, 2009)

[3] (Kaufman & Raphael, 1996, p. 67)

[4] (Tonstad, 2018, p. 84)

[5] (Tredwell, 2017, p. 5)

[6] (Flunder, 2005, p. 7)

[7] (‌Moon & Tobin, 2018, p. 454) “gender complementarity, which posits that God created male and female as complementary opposites to be united in marriage.”

[8] (‌Moon & Tobin, 2018, p. ??)

[9] (‌Moon & Tobin, 2018, p. 452) “dispositional shame, namely, the experience of making chronic shame a requirement for the recognition of one’s personhood.”

[10] (Bornstein, 2016)

[11] (Hinojosa, 2021, p. 36)

[12] (Hinojosa, 2021, p. 27)

[13] (Blackburn & McCready, 2009, p. 223)

[14] (Blackburn & McCready, 2009, p. 225)

[15] (Blackburn & McCready, 2009, p. 225)

[16] (Blackburn & McCready, 2009, p. 228)

[17] (Parent, Johnson, Russell, & Gobble, 2020)

[18] (Parent, Johnson, Russell, & Gobble, 2020)

Sexuality

Reflection on “Sacramental Shame” article

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

This is my reflection on an academic article submitted with my Doctor of Ministry program application to Iliff School of Theology in Denver, CO. I begin this program in January 2022! #LeaveShameBehind

Sunsets and Solidarity: Overcoming Sacramental Shame in Conservative Christian Churches to Forge a Queer Vision of Love and Justice by Dawne Moon, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Sociology, Marquette University & Theresa W. Tobin, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Philosophy at Marquette University, June 2018 Hypatia A Journal of Feminist Philosophy 33(1) https://bit.ly/3t0lm3A

Abstract: Drawing from our interdisciplinary qualitative study of LGBTI conservative Christians and their allies, we name an especially toxic form of shame – what we call sacramental shame – which affects the lives of LGBTI and other conservative Christians. Sacramental shame results from conservative Christian’s allegiance to the doctrine of gender complementarity, which elevates heteronormativity to the level of the sacred and renders those who violate it not as persons, but monsters. In dispensing shame as a sacrament, nonaffirming Christians require constant displays of shame as proof that LGBTI church members love God and belong in the community. Part of what makes this shame so harmful is that parents and pastors often dispense it with sincere expressions of care and affection, compounding the sense that one’s capacity to give and receive love is damaged. We foreground LGBTI Christian movements to overcome sacramental shame by cultivating nonhubristic pride, and conclude by discussing briefly their new understandings of love and justice that could have far-reaching benefits.

When I discovered this article on ‘sacramental shame’ I was immediately drawn to the work Profs. Moon and Tobin are doing regarding this toxic form of shame within conservative Christian communities. Sacramental shame was a concept unfamiliar to me and has a direct connection to my ministry of healing shame. For an individual to be required to display chronic shame of personhood to be conditionally granted recognition and acceptance goes against the teachings of Jesus as I understand and utilize them in my ministry. In this essay, it is my intention to reflect on how this academic article connects to my personal and professional development and its relationship to interdisciplinary studies at Iliff.

The very nature of how conservative heterosexual Christians stigmatize and inflict traumatic shame upon members of their communities presents a contradiction to the commandment of love that is at the heart of what Jesus told his followers in Matthew 22:39 – “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The challenges Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, Bisexual, and Intersex (LGBTI) individuals endure as they explore who they are as non-heteronormative individuals can be daunting and traumatic without the added framing of them being ‘monsters’ in the eyes of their faith community where they may be seeking connection with God and others. I can relate to the challenges of exploring my own non-heteronormative nature. However, I agree with the notion of any theology or church community that suggests that God receives some and rejects others is not reflective of the ministry of Jesus.[1] 

The unjust dispensing of shame within the conservative Christian communities outlined in the article illustrates the moral and ethical hypocrisy seen within the greater conservative Christian community. Offering forgiveness repeatedly to cis-gender heterosexual members who have committed sin, even of a sexual nature happens all the time within conservative Christian communities. However, any consideration for offering a similar forgiveness of LGBTI members is rejected due to their violation of heteronormativity and going against gender complementarity. The sanctification of heteronormativity instills a hierarchical nature of men being at the top of the order, followed by women and any below them can be considered the “other” or ‘monsters’ and undeserving of God’s love or acceptance. Only through sacramental shame, they can be accepted conditionally and contingent upon their maintaining dispositional shame. This perpetuates patriarchy and continues to foster an environment for the ‘otherization’ of gender and sexuality outlaws. This speaks directly against the work that my ministry represents.

The creation story of humanity in Genesis offers an opportunity to reflect on the notion that in “So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them” (Genesis1:27). The author of this passage genders God with the pronoun of ‘he’, however the passage clearly states that humankind of male and female are created in God’s image. Using a queer theological lens on this passage can indicate that God is both male and female and neither, which could define God’s gender expression as being more a spectrum than an absolute. Looking to the image of God or Imago Dei, I agree with Marcella Althaus-Reid’s notion and believe that LGBTI need to find the holiness within a queered image of God. LGBTI people require something spiritual that is also seen as the Other.[2] 

Enforcing heteronormativity and gender roles also implies that God rejects men if they are not masculine or women if they are not feminine and maintain specific gender roles. This theology is a reflection of the 1950s television shows Ozzie and Harriett, Leave it to Beaver and Father Knows Best that illustrate representations of these gender roles in white, middle-class families. This subsection of the American population represents only a portion of a much larger diverse population found within our society today. Looking at these 1950s gender role boxes is what I use in my shame workshops and classes. The absolutism of conservative Christians does not allow them to blur the boundaries of creation and gender. I concur with their quoting of Eliel Cruz: “Can you stand with your feet in the muddy sand on the beach, waves crashing around your feet, tide slowly rising or falling, and honestly draw a clear line between sea and dry land?” Creation is not black or white, but various shades of grey and all the colors of the rainbow. Gender is not binary but a spectrum. This exemplifies the diversity of creation.

The relationship between fear and shame is exemplified in this article. Fear of being a failure in God’s eyes and not being loved is repeated to LGBTI individuals by their heteronormative community members. This perpetuates the continuation of sacramental shame for them. Fear is a powerful tool that religious leaders and communities have been using for centuries. Finding a way out of shame for these LBGTI individuals is to also recognize God’s love in unconditional, as Pope Francis said in 2017, “God does not love us because there is some reason that causes love. God loves us because He Himself is love, and love tends to spread and give by its nature. God does not even tie his benevolence to our conversion: if anything this is a consequence of God’s love.” [3] While I agree with Pope Francis’ message of God’s unconditional love, I do not condone the use of the masculine pronouns for God in my reference here.

I appreciate the authors connecting the healing of this traumatic shame through finding pride in oneself for who you are fully. Embracing their queerness as a nonheteronormative identity can help these LGBTI individuals begin to move away from this fear-based life of non-acceptance and sacramental shame. I also see the challenge that some conservative LGBTI Christians may have with embracing their queerness to overcome sacramental shame. I am curious to see what their research uncovers regarding these members of the LGBTI community.

The writers’ connecting to antiracists, feminists and other social justice communities represents to me the intersectionality of their research. This will also drive my studies and research while at Iliff. I found this article to be very informative about the concept of sacramental shame as a mechanism for conservative Christian communities to perpetuate their heteronormative theology and hold their LBGTI members in the constant state of fear that membership can be withdrawn at any time. The racially inclusive teachings of Jesus inform me to reject the notion of sacramental shame and inspire me to do the good works of bring healing to those who have been injured by this traumatic form of shame. 

[1] Yvette A. Flunder, Where the Edge Gathers: Building a Community of Radical Inclusion (Cleveland, Ohio: Pilgrim Press, 2005), 7.

[2] Mary Donovan Turner, The God We Seek: Portraits of God in the Old Testament (St. Louis, MO: Chalice Press, 2011), 121.

[3] Hannah Brockhaus, We don’t earn God’s love – it’s freely given, Pope Francis says (Catholic News Agency) June 14, 2017, https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/36233/we-dont-earn-gods-love-its-freely-given-pope-francis-says

“Shameless Desires” – 2019 Folsom Sunday Sermon
Sexuality

“Shameless Desires” – 2019 Folsom Sunday Sermon

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

Folsom Sunday Sermon, September, 29, 2019 – MCC San Francisco
Readings: Luke 10:1-11, 16-20 (NIV) & “Guilt, Desire and Love” by James Baldwin

Happy Folsom Sunday!!!

This past summer we celebrated the 50th Anniversary of Stonewall and of Metropolitan Community Churches!

And this weekend marks the 35th anniversary of Folsom Street Fair.

My first Folsom Event ever was Up Your Alley Street Fair 22 yrs ago…

South of Market and Dore Alley were very different back then…

I recall seeing music videos popping up on MTV back in the 80s that depicting images of our “alternative lifestyles”

The Village People with “YMCA” and “In The Navy”

Frankie Goes to Hollywood invited us to “Relax” – 2 versions of this music video (NSFW)

Culture Club asked “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?”

Sylvester asking their listeners “Do You Wanna Funk?”

And Bronski Beat sang about the plight of a “Small Town Boy”

This music video depicts the plight of a young gay man who is beat up by fellow students because he comes on to one of them…

The police bring him home, is outed to his parents and must leave home…

From the song:

Mother will never understand why you had to leave

But the answers you seek will never be found at home

The love that you need will never be found at home

[Pause]

The love that you need will never be found at home

How many of us have heard or lived a similar story?

This is still very much an issue regarding our queer and trans youth today…

We have come so far since Stonewall….

and we still have much more work to do…

Will you pray with me?

<PRAYER>

Guilt and Desire are attempting to stare each other down –

Until Love came slouching along.

Some of us desire love…

Many of us desire love…

Most of us desire love…

Love for right now…

Love for tonight…

<singsong> Love for sale…Appetizing young love for sale…

Love for a lifetime…

Love for ever and ever and ever?

There are many ways we seek out love…

And there are many things that keep us from love and our desires…

This past May, I taught a class “Embracing Your Desires” for the Leather community here in San Francisco.

We talked about the many influences on our desires.

Self-esteem tells us we aren’t worthy or deserving of our desires…

Body image can keep us disconnected from our desires…

Feelings of abandonment and loneliness can have a great impact on our desires…

James Baldwin tells us that Guilt keeps Desire from Love…

Shame is a kindred of guilt…

Guilt tells you that something you’ve done is bad…

Shame tells you that you’re bad…

Shame has told me many things to keep me from my desires and love….

Shame told me I was too fat, and I listened…

Shame told me I was too nelly, and I listened…

Shame told me I wasn’t smart enough, and I listened…

What has shame told you?

Too butch or not butch enough…

Too old or too young…

Not pretty enough, not handsome enough…

Or just not sexy enough to be desired or loved.

We have heard many of these messages of shame from our families…

From our peers, our colleagues, bullies, the media, and society…

And especially from religion…

This programming of shame as social control helps to spread the continuation of patriarchy and gender conformity.

Culture affects how we view sex and the ‘normalization’ of heterosexuality promotes a socially preferred performance of sexuality.

‘Heteronormativity’ is the cultural bias in favor of opposite-sex relationships as the sexual norm, and against same-sex relationships.

A commonly held belief by many is that each person they meet is heterosexual – until proven otherwise.

The sexual phobias of the few affect the sexual freedom of the many.

This enforcement of heteronormative values upon sexual minorities has caused extensive damage to the emotional and spiritual health of the LGBTQ community.

Those who present something other than “normal” can become the recipients of ridicule and bullying for not being “normal.”

But what is normal?

In Justin Lehmiller’s book “Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Improve Your Sex Life”, (Amazon)

He outlines the results of his anonymous survey about the sexual fantasies of adults living in the United States… (published 2018)

4175 adults to be exact – ages eighteen and up –

I believe the oldest were in their 80s…

72% identified as heterosexual…The gender split was about fifty-fifty…

This was the largest survey on sexual desires & fantasies ever done in the US…

From this survey, Lehmiller was able to extract seven broader themes to account for the vast majority of the fantasies & desires submitted…

And they are, listed in rank…

  1. multipartner sex
  2. power, control, and rough sex – AKA BDSM
  3. novelty, adventure, and variety
  4. taboo and forbidden sex
  5. partner sharing and non-monogamous relationships
  6. passion and romance
  7. erotic flexibility – specifically, homoeroticism and gender-bending

Dr. Lehmiller defines all of these as “normal” desires and fantasies…

He defines ‘normal’ this way:

“As a scientist, saying that something is normal is basically the same as saying something is statistically common.”

In other words, a normal desire is one that a lot of other people have.

He’s calling fantasies and desires “normal” in a sense because they are “common”…

So, what really is normal?

It was sexologists who developed the categories of homosexual and heterosexual the late 1800s and early 1900s, respectively.

I find it interesting that the word homosexuality didn’t exist until the 1860s…

Modern people who use the Bible as a weapon are inserting this word into a text that was written thousands of years ago –

Millennia before the term homosexuality was even a concept…

They argument this is the reason for the sinfulness of our deviant sexuality and desires…

In his book “Forging a Secret Weapon: How the Bible Became Anti-Gay“ –

Ed Oxford writes how it wasn’t until 1946 when the word homosexual was inserted into the Revised Standard Version of the bible.

And he also discusses the discovery that the translations of those Greek words were actually “boy molesters“

No wonder Paul was against this practice.

The original translations of the text in Paul’s letters is about pederasty and his condemnation of this non-consensual, exploitive and demeaning practice by the Greco-Roman culture.

It’s about adult men using boys as sex objects and not about the consensual sex between two or more consenting adults.

Some Christian communities attempt to have members of the LGBTQ community believe they are sinful and unloved by God for their ‘lifestyle’ choices.

Liberation of the marginalized happens through a community of openness and inclusion, as was the ministry of Jesus.

A ‘radically inclusive’ community can be like a beacon of hope for those living on the edges of society,

It is a place for them to come and find acceptance and love.

In today’s scripture reading, Jesus sends out members of his beloved community to spread the message of peace and love…

These were humans from all parts of society…

From the lowly to the respected…

Jesus encouraged them to share his peace and love with others and if they accepted that peace, to bless them…

He also told them that if the towns and communities did not accept their peace…

To brush the town’s dust off their feet in protest…

As our transgender siblings did yesterday at the Trans Visibility March in Washington DC.

“Whoever rejects you, rejects me”, Jesus told them…

– there is nothing loving or peace-filled in those people…

I give you authority to tread over snakes and scorpions…

  • Also known as “haters” and “homophobes”

Over all the power of the enemy…

And nothing will hurt you…

The power of the enemy is their internalize self-hatred and shame-filled lives they need to project upon others…

In my work on shame…

I invite people to explore the voices in their head that are telling them that their desires are shameful…

That their desires are bad…sinful…deviant…a mental illness…

Whose voices are they?

Parents?          Teachers?  A previous pastor?   Peers?            Siblings? The media?

Recognize that our internalize homophobia and self-hatred was planted there by someone else…

This shaming did not come from a place of love…

In her book “Our Tribe”, Rev. Elder Nancy Wilson writes about…

The sharing of ourselves sexually is to give and receive bodily hospitality…

Hospitality can function as a metaphor for ethical sexual relating…

Honoring self and others…

And through this, much healing can come from the ways we have been alienated from our bodies…

Love was the message that Jesus taught those who followed him…

Love is the message that Jesus was trying to impart upon the world…

Former Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams stated that…

“God desires us, as if we were God.

We are created so that we may be caught up in this…

So that we may grow into the wholehearted love of God by learning that God loves us as God loves God.”  <Pause>

God desires us…

Finding the wholehearted love of God within us is through growing to love ourselves…

Our authentic selves…

Not the person our parents wanted us to be…

Not the person our spouse, family or friends want us to be…

The person God desires us to be… Authentic and wholehearted…

Our sexual and kinky desires are not chosen, they’re intrinsic to who we are…

We can choose which desires to act on and embrace them wholeheartedly…

Without feelings of shame or guilt or sinfulness…

Embrace the fact that your love is authentic…

And that your desires are normal…Amen

Daniel is currently a Hospice Chaplain with Vitas Healthcare (www.vitas.com) in Oakland, CA; Assistant Night Minister with San Francisco Night Ministry (www.sfnightministry.org); and Volunteer Clergy at Metropolitan Community Church San Francisco (www.mccsf.org).

Sexuality

What has shame told you?- excerpt from my 2019 Folsom Sunday sermon

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

Shame has told me many things to keep me from my desires and love….

Shame told me I was too fat, and I listened…

Shame told me I was too nelly, and I listened…

Shame told me I wasn’t smart enough, and I listened…

What has shame told you?

Too butch or not butch enough…

Too old or too young…

Not pretty enough, not handsome enough…

Or just not sexy enough to be desired or loved.

We have heard many of these messages of shame from our families…

From our peers, our colleagues, bullies, the media, and society…

And especially from religion…

This programming of shame as social control helps to spread the continuation of patriarchy and gender conformity.

Culture affects how we view sex and the ‘normalization’ of heterosexuality promotes a socially preferred performance of sexuality.

‘Heteronormativity’ is the cultural bias in favor of opposite-sex relationships as the sexual norm, and against same-sex relationships.

A commonly held belief by many is that each person they meet i is heterosexual – until proven otherwise.

The sexual phobias of the few affect the sexual freedom of the many.

This enforcement of heteronormative values upon sexual minorities has caused extensive damage to the emotional and spiritual health of the LGBTQ community.

Those who present something other than “normal” can become the recipients of ridicule and bullying for not being “normal.”

But what is normal?

In Justin Lehmiller’s book “Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Improve Your Sex Life”,

He outlines the results of his anonymous survey about the sexual fantasies of adults living in the United States… (published 2018)

4175 adults to be exact – ages eighteen and up –

I believe the oldest were in their 80s…

72% identified as heterosexual…The gender split was about fifty-fifty…

This was the largest survey on sexual desires & fantasies ever done in the United States.

From this survey, Lehmiller was able to extract seven broader themes to account for the vast majority of the fantasies & desires submitted…

And they are, listed in rank…

1. multipartner sex

2. power, control, and rough sex – AKA BDSM

3. novelty, adventure, and variety

4. taboo and forbidden sex

5. partner sharing and non-monogamous relationships

6. passion and romance

7. erotic flexibility – specifically, homoeroticism and gender-bending

Dr. Lehmiller defines all of these as “normal” desires and fantasies…

He defines ‘normal’ this way:

“As a scientist, saying that something is normal is basically the same as saying something is statistically common.”

In other words, a normal desire is one that a lot of other people have.

He’s calling fantasies and desires “normal” in a sense because they are “common”…

So, what really is normal?

##

– Folsom Sunday Sermon at MCCSF, Sept. 28, 2019

Sexuality

Touching ourselves isn’t shameful

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

We are told from an early age that touching our genitals is wrong or ‘dirty’. Then as puberty hits, the sex education we might be taught are either fear-based or nonexistent.

We are taught that being sexual is a shame-filled activity from a very early age. This needs to change. Being sexual is not shameful. Judging or ridiculing someone for being sexual IS shameful.

Because we live in a patriarchal society, it’s all about looking at the sexual prowess of men and the sexual submission of women.

‘The paradox is the judgment of expressing our sexuality, and the double standard linked with it. As a man, if I have so much sex I’m a stud, and as a woman, if you do the same, you’re a slut.’ (From the article link below)

We must all work towards ending slut shaming and embracing a life free of sexual shame. #LeaveShameBehind

Yoni Disconnect: Sexual Healing article

Sexuality

Religious notions of abstinence is shaming and sinful

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

One of the continuing purveyors of sexual shame are conservative religious notions of abstinence and the sinfulness of sexual desire. Enforcing abstinence is sinful

“An 18 year-old college student [was] deeply afraid that he was addicted to masturbation. He was only masturbating ONCE a week, but because he’d grown up in a family where any sex outside monogamous marriage was sinful and condemned, his quite normal sexual behavior was experienced with deep shame and fear.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201708/overcoming-religious-sexual-shame

Sexuality

’Swishy’ Daddy

Rev. Daniel Borysewicz

I want to share a story with you about a coffee date I had 8 or 9 years ago. It was while I was in grad school (also known as seminary) and in the early days of developing my shame workshop.

A person and I met up on a gay male hookup site called “Daddy Hunt” and our first meeting was at a coffee shop in Oakland. For more context, the person I was meeting identified as a queer transman (Female-to-Male).

We met, chatted over coffee for a while and seemed to be getting on okay. I then excused myself to the restroom – coffee tends to do that to me. When I returned to the table and sat down, my coffee date made an unexpected comment: “you’re much ‘swishier’ than I expected.”

I chuckled and said “You’re right, I am!” I went on to comment that my online pictures at that time could have given the impression I was more ‘butch’ than actually am in my everyday persona.

If this has happened five or so years earlier, my reaction would have been very different. I would have probably been offended because I would have felt a huge bout of shame regarding my ‘lack of butchness’ and the coffee date would have ended a disaster.

When I shared this story at a “Sex and Shame” workshop I attended in Las Vegas this past February, there was an audible gasp by some of the fellow attendees, as well as the presenter when I regaled the aforementioned comment about my ‘swishiness’. I reassured them I was not offended and it was actually a testament to the work I’ve done one myself regarding my shame surrounding my gender presentation.

Being comfortable with my mannerisms, accepting the way I talk and move through the world each day is freeing. I don’t feel self-conscious about my ‘swishiness’ and this allows me to be more authentic with myself and others.